I’ve come to terms early on with the fact that this is gonna be one of “those” years… you know, the kind that you couldnt predict if you tried, that you cant figure out if you wanted to, and that is going to force you to kind of just put your seatbelt on and go along for the ride. Kind of like Aerosmith’s Rockin’ Rollercoaster at Disney— you get in this car, sit down, buckle in- you know the ride is going to be exciting. One minute you are giggling and rocking out to “Walk This Way” and the next thing you know a slight panic sets in as the thing starts moving at a rapid pace toward a dark tunnel, and you know once you enter it you wont actually be able to see what direction the track is headed- up, down, left, or right.

I took a ride on the Rockin Rollercoaster this fall. Literally- I went to Florida with some girls and we went on the ride more than once! It was a blast! However, in the weeks leading up to and during that get-away I started to question some things… life, ministry, the people in my life, my dreams and goals, etc… I felt a need to make sure I was EXACTLY where God wanted me, so I laid it all out on the table and said, Ok, God, go ahead and rearrange. As expected whenever its time to re-evaluate, some house cleaning needed to take place. It was good, it was what I asked God to do. In this instance, the surprising part came when God asked me to let go of some things that were good- things He had given to me in the first place. I thought to myself, really? Of all things, THAT is what you are going to ask me to give up? Well… ok… I guess I will start moving in that direction…

Maybe its just me, but I think that many times when God asks us to give things up, we bank on the fact that we are going to have an Abraham on Mt. Moriah experience. The story can be read in Genesis 22, but in summary- God gives Abraham a son in his old age- Isaac. There was no denying that Issac’s birth was a true miracle and a definite gift from God to Abraham and his wife. Then God makes a strange request of Abraham- take Isaac to the mountains and offer him as a sacrafice to me. The scriptures dont tell us what Abraham was thinking at this point, but Im pretty sure it must have been along the lines of “What the heck?! Why in the world would you go through all the trouble of giving him to me in the first place if THIS is going to be the outcome!” Yet Abraham obeyed. If you, like me, grew up watching the Bible story cartoon Superbook you have surely seen this episode, and I visualize it this way every time I consider this story: cartoon Arbraham follows God’s instruction and places cartoon Isaac on a rock, gets out a big knife, holds it up in the air and suddenly a big light shines down on Abraham. A loud booming voice comes from the sky, commands Abraham not to harm Isaac. Instead, God provides a ram to serve as the sacrafice.

I think that, when God asked me to sacrafice some things, I did so, but with the expectation that the ram was on its way. Ok, God… I will let go of this, but its something good you have given to me, so you arent going to actually make me go through with it, right? You just want to prove that Im obedient and would give it up if I had to… Ok so here I go… im tying it up, putting it on the big rock? You see it, there it is right there, ready to be sacraficed (…so any time you want to send that ram along, that’d be great…)… ok God Ive got this big knife in my backpack… I’ll just go and get that out now (…walking very slowly, listening carefully for the sound of ram hoofs all the while…). Alright so, the sacrafice is ready to go, and I’ve got the knife. Can you see me God? See how obedient I am? So I guess the only thing left to do is hold the knife up in the air now. Here I go! See me lifting it up? (maybe the ram is lost and is having a hard time finding me… maybe I should whistle for it or something. Heeeere ram! Im over heeeere…. heeeere rammy rammy rammy). Ok knife’s in the air, here we go, on the count of 3…. ready…. 3…2…2 and 3/4…. 2 and 1/2…. 1…. and down comes the knife, no ram in sight.

In one area for me, Ive had the sacrafice on the table for months now, but today was the day that the knife actually lowered, and that I realized for certain that there would be no ram. God wasnt just “testing” me to see if I’d really go through with it, and although I’ve known all along He was pretty serious about me letting go of some things, I still expected there could be a ram at some point. Its funny, because even though there are clear reasons that God made the track take this turn, reasons that have been affirmed by others and ones that are just between my heavenly father and I, there was still a little piece of me that thought God would surprise me with an amazing intervention at the last moment. There is a part of me that is just a little shocked and still a little sad, and another part of me that is soooo very excited, because now the door is wide open for God to do new things, BIG things! And even though it is hard, and is going to be, I am so happy to be on this ride.